Sleep or lack thereof.

Oh blessed sleep, how we miss thee.

This has been awful.  Braelyn used to be such a good sleeper.  We could put her in her crib semi-awake, she'd roll over and be asleep at bedtime.  She'd fall right back asleep when she'd wake up during the night.  I miss those times.

Someday maybe those times will be back.  This was during Thanksgiving dinner.  If only she slept that good all the time.

I know, many of you are thinking (and telling me) to let her cry it out.  I can't do that.  It just seems wrong.  It feels wrong.  I would say that it is wrong, but I know many people do it that way, and I say more power to them that they can do that, but I can't.  I think I could see doing it that way when I know she understands things fully, like that we are going to be there for her, but she needs to sleep now.  Anyway, for now, until I go crazy, we are just going with it.  I'm trying various things.  We've also gotten interrupted by a cold (during which she actually slept better!  I'm thinking about exposing her to more germs) and every once in a while we think she's teething, but it's just teasing us, because she still hasn't gotten any teeth.

Seriously, she still hasn't gotten any teeth.  She drools, she chews, she's upset (could be sleep deprivation, I suppose) and NO teeth.  Not that I really want them, I just want to know what she's like when she's really teething.  And I'm sort of tired of everyone, me included, saying over and over again that she's teething.  That's another thing, I don't know if I should really try sleep training, because I don't know if she's teething and that's the magic thing that's causing this.

All I know is that I want to yell at her and make her sleep.  I have yelled at her, sort of.  I feel bad, but it's VERY frustrating to put her down and have her wake up 15 minutes later.  Seriously.  Every teenager or even adult who wants to have a baby should have to spend a night at our house.  [Note:  I do not regret having a child, I love her dearly, but seriously, you need to know what you are getting into]  Oh, and she cries every time Nate holds her and I'm in the house.  That got better today since he was home all day and I made them be together all day.  Perhaps the sleeping issue is separation anxiety?  UGH...I've stopped looking for reasons and just accepted it.  It'd be nice to think that there's some reason for it.  That means it could be solved and she could sleep better.  Hope springs eternal.

As part of her bedtime routine, I sing to her as she nurses before bed.  For a long time I've sung the first and last part of "Abide With Me" (perhaps that's an odd choice for a lullaby...I couldn't remember many children's songs when we had her and it's peaceful, I think).  A line in the first verse says "hope of the hopeless, oh, abide with me".  I find that line funny.  I am the hopeless.  I have prayed about this situation quite often and have told Nate that I feel that God is ignoring me because it's not getting better.  One night when I was extremely tired and super frustrated I told God that if he was really there, she should sleep longer than an hour.  She slept 1 hour and 10 minutes.  Thanks God.  You are definitely there.  You are the hope for the hopeless.  Hope springs eternal.  I hope she sleeps well tonight.